Day 3 and finally going home!

Day 3 and getting ready to go home. I am so excited and yet so scared as well as we finish with this final round of chemo. We have done everything possible and now it is in the Lord’s hands. I have complete faith and yet this is my son and I am still really scared. I have called this our home away from home and it has been. In the evenings when most families talk to one another over dinner or visit with neighbors while grabbing the mail, we have done the same thing but we have done this on the 3rd H/O floor with our nurses, child life specialists, cooks, and security guards. These people have become more than just people providing a service to us and so the idea of not seeing them again and the idea that this routine we’ve come to know is over is strange simply put-wonderful and exciting but strange. How do you begin to thank all the wonderful people that have been placed in our lives?

I also ran across this and the name sounded familiar. (http://www.childrensmemorial.org/depts/pathology/wilms.aspx) After looking at Payton’s pathology report, Irealized that this is the second pathologist that re-staged and changed the histology of Payton’s tumor. You can’t tell me that this is coincidental. It’s made me stop and realize that the Lord's hand was involved. It was interesting to see a face to go with the name. This last treatment was tough and still not over, butI don’t need to go on about how hard it was, to watchPayton be tied to his room and how painful it was to watch Payton be poked because you all know all that, I’ve written about it in detail before. It’s going to be weird walking away from here. The people we have come to know I will never forget, they will forever be in my heart and in my mind. They were our family for a year and I have found such great strength and have such love for each of them. I am excited to leave and yet really sad as well since I have grown to love each and every one of these kids so much, how can you not? They have taught me so much, more than they will ever know. They have shown such courage in their struggles and I have learned so much from each and every one of them. They have shown me by example how we should act in our lives and I will walk away today standing a little taller, a little braver, with so much love in my heart thanks to all of them. I pray that our Heavenly Father will watch over them and their families, for they are the bravest and most courageous souls. Please keep all these kids and their families in your prayers, I love them so much.

Only time will reveal the truth of the side effects in Payton’s treatments and I understand my part in this. I only hope that we don’t have to deal with hearing loss, heart damage, infertility, kidney problems etc. I’m prepared to be labeled an overcautious mom. What I know for sure is that it doesn’t matter what side effects might come up later, for now he’s alive and home. We will leave that in the Lord’s hands as well.

We are looking forward to Payton getting his hair, eyebrows and eyelashes back and to get our little boy back. Most heartfelt thanks to everyone that helped us through this. It means the world to know we have the support of good people. We couldn’t have done it without you.

Payton made it home and is happy to be at home. Payton has come so far in his vocabulary and being able to communicate to us. When he was leaving the hospital, he told his nurse “put my noodle in the garbage” and then said “bye, bye room. Bye, bye, nurse. See you later.” When he arrived home he said “Mom, Baby’s tummy is hurting.” It made me wonder how many times he has felt this way and hasn’t been able to communicate it to us. Payton was crying this afternoon and I said, no more crying he replied by saying “but I want to.” I know that I’ve said this a hundred times over, but Payton you are the bravest little soul. I love you more than words can say. I am so proud of you and am so blessed to be your mom. It’s almost over little guy, Hang in there!

"More CoCo Puffs, please"

"More Popums, please"

Me, Dr. Heym & my nurse Amber.

"Giving

my

noodle

a

drink."

"Get my noodle out and put it in the garbage."

"Hurry up with those discharge papers"

"And get me out of here"