I spent most of the day holding Payton. You can tell when his counts are starting to get low; he was pretty tired today and didn’t want to get down much. When he’s not feeling good, he just wants to be held and won’t let me leave the room. Back to the clinic tomorrow.

Payton's blue tongue!

We caught Payton looking at his blue tongue in the mirror after drinking his blue coconut slush from sonic. Payton begs for one of these every day. He thought it was pretty funny.

Another good day at home. Payton has spent most of the day in bed watching Caillou and ordering me to get him Cereal, Hot Noodles and whatever else he is craving.
Chad had to start giving Payton his GCSF shots again, which by the way I just can’t do. Payton looked at Chad with such fear in his face and eyes and said “No; Daddy, that’s a shot and that hurts baby.” It takes both of us tying him down to give him these shots. I can’t even imagine what he is thinking and I’m sure he wonders why we are doing this to him.
As I was dressing Payton today, I was looking at his three battle scars and reflecting on what we have been through. It really makes me sad that he has these awful looking scars and every time I see these scars it will be a reminder of what Payton has endured.
We will be back to the Clinic on Friday to see where his counts are. Still keeping our fingers crossed that we can stay out of the hospital this round. I’m sure his counts are dropping and only time will tell.

Finally Home!

We finally got home last night. Payton was thrilled when he was told he could go home, he ran down the hall and said “I did it; I got my noodle out” He will tell the nurse to “Put his noodle in the garbage” when she takes it out. Payton fell asleep on the way home last night and was thrilled to wake up and be home.

Today has been a pretty good day. It feels so good to be home. We are all so sick of the hospital. Payton didn’t wake up until just after 10:00. In the hospital you just don’t get very good sleep. He has been a little cross and complaining of his bum hurting, so I gave him a bath, which he loved. He told me “I am Shamu Mom” He doesn’t have much fear of the water. I have spent a lot of time watching Caillou today with him and holding him and haven’t accomplished much today. There are times he acts fine and wants to get down and play and other times when he just wants to be held. I have learned to appreciate the days we are at home and the quality time that I get to spend with him.

Ok, I know this is my third video for the day, and I’ve gone a little picture crazy, but I had to post this. Today Payton was so full of excitement and energy that he had me, his nurses, Dr. Heym and Child Life laughing in stitches. Payton decided that he wanted to make some music and was trying to find whatever he could find in his room to make music. This little spark inside him was contagious and he eventually talked 2 nurses, a child life specialist and Dr. Heym to join in his happiness. Here Payton is a two year old on his 8th month of chemo, day five in the hospital and all he wants to do is play and be happy. That’s what has amazed me about Payton, all that he wants to do is get better and be a typical 2 year old. What lessons Payton has taught me to learn to live in the moment and to enjoy even the smallest and simplest things. Payton you are so brave and I am so proud of you. You amaze me every day and I know that you are too little to understand now, but someday I hope that you can look back and know that I am so proud of you for your courage for being strong through your 2nd year of life. I love you little guy!

Payton and Dr. Heym

Payton and Sana playing with tape.

Day 5 and ready to go home!

Payton is really anxious to go home today. Payton has been standing by the door and telling the nurses “I want to go home now.” Nurse Sana came and had a snack with Payton on the floor. We really appreciate her and the other nurses that work so hard to help Payton get through his hospital stay. We should be out of here between 6 and 7:00. We are ready to go home!!!

It’s midnight and I’m exhausted! Payton is wired and thinks he is starving; he is having strange cravings for a Peanut Butter Sandwich and Cookies, thanks to the steroids. I'm sure his nurse is wishing he would go to sleep, since he is being really loud. Can’t complain at least he is eating.

Day 4 in the hospital!

One day closer, we will finally be out of here tomorrow. Payton just loves nurse Sana, every time she comes in he gets excited. He will also stand at the door and call for her. Payton has quite the imagination. He told Sana that the door needed to be fixed, that it had some “owies”, so they got some tape to put on the door to fix it. He has also spent part of the morning pretending like he is talking on the phone with a box of candy, when we ask who he is talking to he will tell up Grandma or Papa.

Today is my mom’s Birthday; Happy Birthday Mom, we love and miss you!

Day 3 in the hospital!

Payton wanted to eat his cotton candy with a fork, because it was too sticky.
Payton and Aunt Jennifer.



Payton loves stickers!
















Payton had a pretty good day considering. They are giving Payton a steroid to help with the nausea and his appetite. It made him a little agitated last night and he was yelling and kicking, although it seems to help with his appetite. Payton has had weird cravings for bananas, pudding, and salty foods particularly chips. Savannah went to the rodeo today with the Child Life group and it was a good experience for her. We also had a couple visitors today which helped break up the day; our friend Aurora came and brought us dinner and some cute stuffed animals for the kids, which was very sweet and tonight Jennifer was working and brought Payton by a couple Cars prizes. Two more days in the hospital, we will be happy to be heading home on Monday.

Day 2 in the hospital!

Payton with his nurse.

Early this morning Payton awoke complaining that his noodle (port) was bothering him. Chad discovered that his needle had partially come out, so they had to reaccess him. Not a fun way to wake up. Payton begs to go home from time to time, but for the most part is doing well. No more Chemo Drug Carboplatinum!!!! Payton only gets this Chemo Drug on day 1 of the 5 day round. Yea!!!

Today in the hall, I ran into the father of a little boy we’ve met on previous occassions being treated here at Cook’s for cancer. I was asking about his son and how he has been doing and the tears starting streaming down his face as he talked about what a struggle this has been for his family. I ache so much for these families and what they are all having to deal with, each with a different kind of cancer, different stage, histology, and prognosis. All of them had to hear the dreadful words that their child has cancer. One of the hardest, yet most rewarding things has been getting to know some of these families and hear the challenges they are facing. On Wednesday night we went to Julian Avery’s viewing and talked briefly with his parents. The pain of losing a child was obvious, yet they were concerned with what they could do for Payton. They are a wonderful family and I can only imagine the pain they are experiencing. Our thoughts and prayers are with them and all of the other children dealing with cancer. On a lighter note, Bishop Runyon came for a visit last night and brought something from one of our ward members. I am so amazed at the generosity and kindness shown to us by many different people and greatful for the support group we have had behind us. I am again reminded of how the Lord works through other people to help you get through life’s difficult situations. Thank you for all of the support we have received.

Finally able to start another round!

Payton had an anc of 710 today. Anc is supposed to be 750. To our surprise, Dr. Bowman said let's go ahead and start, it's been long enough. After they drew Payton’s labs, Payton told them "it’s time for me to go home now." Payton wasn’t very excited to be admitted, but it didn’t take him long to start ordering the nurses around. He told his nurse “give baby a blue popum (which is a Popsicle).” When trying to hug his leg, he told them they could do it if he could sit on top of the couch. Silly boy. He has done well so far until they had to access him. Should be staring chemo around 9:00 p.m. tonight.

Payton, my sweet little helper!

Every time I cook or clean I have Payton wanting to help. I was making potato soup this morning and he pushed a chair up and said “I want to help mommy.” Oh, can you resist that? Through all of this it has made me stop and enjoy the small little things that my kids do. I’m trying to slow down in my life and enjoy each moment. Also, I am so excited Payton started saying “sorry” on his own today. I know this is so silly, but I’ve been trying to show him by example and he finally did it! He was helping me vacuum and bumped into me and said “sorry mom.” I’m so proud of him. I just want my kids to have good manners. Payton is such a sweet little boy.

When Payton was first diagnosed It was hard for me to become friends with other cancer moms, sit in support groups, and sit in the play room and watch the bald headed kids play while hooked up to IV poles. I was living in my own heartache & I didn’t think I could carry others burdens since I was trying to understand my own. As hard as I initially tried to keep to myself I could not. I found myself falling in love with these children. Instead of seeking pity, these children exude strength in the face of adversity and want only what all other children want, to run, play, and “to be a kid”. What great strength they have all given me by being so brave. I think that all these little kids are angels and are so special and they have forever changed me because of their strength and the strength of their families. Here is our little buddy Julian’s Obituary if you get a chance to read. We have been so sad for his little family this week.

http://www.star-telegram.com/obituaries/story/423870.html

Once again counts too low!

While the nurse was out Payton raided the band-aid drawer.
























Went to the clinic today to have Payton’s counts checked and to be admitted and found out that his counts are still not high enough. His ANC is 500 and needs to be 750; platelets are fine. We are super frustrated since we are very anxious to get this over with. We were told that towards the end of treatment it sometimes takes longer for the counts to recover. We thought for sure that today was going to be the day, but looks like they will have us come back on Thursday. Also, got a few pictures of Payton while at the clinic today.

Through all of Payton’s trials the past 7-1/2 months, he has continued to grow as a little boy and has developed skills to communicate, albeit in a unique way all his own. For example, here are a few translations that might come in handy when carrying on a conversation with Payton:

When referring to his;

Cars blanket, he says “Mater cold”

Dog pillow “ruff ruff night night”

Chicken nuggets are “Chins”

Cars are “his vroom, vrooms”

Trains are “choo, choos”

Dogs are “ruff, ruffs”

Cats are “mow, mows”

Anything pasta (sometimes including oatmeal) are “hot noodles”

Treats are “num, nums”

When something is dirty it “has eee eees “

Everything is “baby wants”. He still refers to himself in the third person.
Payton must still have Christmas on his mind. He will put all sorts of toys and objects in boxes and wrap them with his blanket and say “I want to open up this prize, watch baby”. We spend a lot of time during the day finding objects to open.

We are so dreading going to the hospital on Monday. Although we know we need to get this 9th round done, we aren’t excited about it. We hate these five day rounds and dread the repercussions. We’ll keep you posted on how things go.

Payton had a pretty good day today. We got out and grabbed lunch at Chick-Fil-A and ate it in the car like usual. (I am still too paranoid to take him many places.) We aren’t going to even know how to act when we can finally start being able to take Payton places again. After, I grabbed some groceries and we spent the day inside. It’s pretty cold here today; well cold for Texas anyway. Chad cooked chicken out on the grill and we watched a movie in front of the fireplace. I have learned to appreciate the simple days that we get to spend together as a family.

On a not so good note; we found out tonight that our little buddy Julian that we have been watching for the past few months passed away this morning. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in March and it relapsed in October while still undergoing treatment. This has been extremely hard for me and hits really close to home. It is my biggest worry with Payton if this cancer will ever come back, for the most part I am optimistic, but you hear a story like this and it makes you think twice. I am grateful to know that Julian is not suffering anymore; the last few months have been really difficult for him and his family. I just can’t figure out why a four year old would have to go through as much as that little guy has. Because of my beliefs; I know that they will see him again, love him again, and hold him again. It makes my faith even stronger and gives me a deeper love and appreciation for the gospel. Life is so hard. I don’t know why some of us have some of the challenges that we have, but I feel like the past 7 ½ months have been extremely difficult for me and my family. I’m not one to preach, but put things in perspective in your life if you haven’t and know that we are only here for a short time and try not to procrastinate. Don’t forget to hug your kids a little tighter.

This is a recent picture of Julian.

Payton's Story!

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Payton awoke this morning and heard the shower running; he quickly jumped up and smiled when he saw that I was still lying by him. He said “Daddy take a shower, not mommy.” Then he closed his eyes snuggled next to me and then reopened them and said “Daddy has a stinky bum, not mommy.” I had to laugh. Since all this started he just wants me by his side. He hates it when I get in the shower; he stands next to it and cries. He also wants to sleep right next to me even though we have a king size bed and you think we could spread out, he likes that comfort.

I’ve learned that you have to record the funny things that your kids say, since you think you will remember them and you don’t always.

Payton had a good day today. Stayed in and didn’t get him out. Savannah is out of school now through Wednesday. She is pretty excited to have a few days off. Not much going on. I took this picture of Payton with Dr. Bowman who is the Senior Oncologist at Cook’s. We just love this guy.

Got up this morning and packed our suitcase for a five day stay at the hospital. Had Payton there at 7:45 and found out that his counts are not high enough to start another round of chemo yet. It is so frustrating, we are so anxious to get this over. Also, our oncologist didn’t think that Payton’s counts would be high enough to start until Monday. Payton’s ANC isn’t even half what it needs to be. I questioned this yesterday, when he acted extremely tired. I am really kicking myself for even having him out to dinner last night for Savannah’s Birthday. I wouldn’t have taken him, if I’d have known he had such low counts still. Payton’s ANC was 5,200 on Friday and since he has gone off of his GCSF Shots, it was down to 300 today. I think it surprised all of us. That has been the most frustrating thing about this, you just can’t plan anything. Dr. Bowman said that for some reason Payton just takes forever to rebound. We’ll be back on Monday and hope we can start it then.

Jennifer came over with Ella to watch Payton while I went to eat school lunch with Savannah. Payton and Ella enjoyed a snack of crackers and cheese while watching Caillou. Payton just loves it when he gets to see Ella since he doesn’t get to see her very often.

Happy 7th Birthday Savannah!

Lunch with Savannah at her School.

Dinner at Chilis with friends!

Today was Savannah’s Birthday. I went to her school and took cupcakes to her class and ate school lunch with her. It was great to spend time with her; I need to do that more often. Jennifer came over to our house and watched Payton while I went.

We also took Savannah to Chili’s for dinner tonight. She invited Aleeya and Carly. The girls had a blast and we were stuffed. By the way, Payton had a good time with the girls as well. I can’t believe how fast Savannah is growing up. She was so sweet today; she told Chad and I this is the best Birthday ever, and it has nothing to do with the presents it’s that I got to spend time with my family.

Happy 7th Birthday Savannah. You are such a wonderful sweet girl. You have been through so much this past year, and I am so proud of you for being so strong. I feel so lucky to have you as my daughter.