Day 7 in the hospital!

We have been giving Payton many bath's to
try and sooth his bum, since the last chemo
round has been so hard on him.



This has definitely not been one of our better days. Payton needed red blood cells and platelets again today. Payton has started fevering again and been really cross and complaining about his bum hurting. Poor kid, it looks awful. Dr. Murray one of our Oncologists suggested that we have someone from infectious disease come and look at Payton. We were told that Payton does have an infection and will need to be on stronger antibiotics. I believe that he will now be on 4 antibiotics and 1 antifungal iv medicines. Payton just can’t seem to catch a break. We had to change out his needle tonight, since I believe Savannah pulled it out tripping over his line. I felt so bad for Payton he was screaming like crazy, so we had to bring in another nurse. It took 4 of us to hold him down to get his noodle changed out. I hate watching him have to go through all of this and can’t imagine what is going through his head at times. I just want him to be a normal happy two year old again. Chad and I are feeling exhausted about right now since our infectious disease doctor told us that we could be here another week on antibiotics. We were really hoping to be home by the weekend to do some baking for Christmas. It doesn’t look like that will be happening. I just really hope that we can be home for Christmas, since we were in the hospital over Halloween and Thanksgiving.

Lately I have been really struggling watching these cancer kids on the 3rd floor here @ Cooks. My heart goes out to these families and what they are all going through. No one will ever realize how hard this is until you have watched your child go through this. I found this on a Care Page and it sum’s up maybe how we have felt.


I HOPE...


I hope you never have to hear the words, 'Your child has cancer.'


I hope you never have to hear, 'the prognosis is not good'.


I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy,


have a port surgically inserted into their chest,


be connected to IV poles.


Look at you with fear in their eyes and say, 'Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay.'


I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile,


I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch,


I hope you never have to watch the 'cure' you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they, lose their hair,


become skeletal,


swell up from steroids,


develop severe acne,


become barely or unable to walk or move,


and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,


'It's going to be okay, Mommy.'


I hope you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.


I hope you never have to see a Mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, 'there is nothing more we can do.'


I hope you never have to watch a family wandering aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.


I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.


I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to a table as they receive radiation.


I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred. And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, 'It's going to be okay Mommy.'


I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck by you and hear them say, 'Thank God, that is over with,' ...because you know it never will be. Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI's and you try to get your life back to 'normal'. While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of these tests could result in hearing the dreaded words... 'The cancer has returned' or 'the tumor is growing'. And your friends become even fewer.


I hope you never have to experience any of these things,...Because...only then... Will you understand.... Written by: Carol Baan

We have had the privilege to have meet a little boy named Julian whom is 4 ½ years old. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor and just a few weeks ago found out that it has come back in his spinal fluid while still undergoing Chemo therapy. This little family has been on my mind and I can’t stop thinking about them. Why should they have to face losing their child? It doesn’t seem fair to me. I have spent countless hours and tears thinking about him and his family and what they have been faced with. My faith has never been stronger as it is now and I believe it wouldn't be so if our lives had been just a walk in the park. I know that God loves these children so much. I ask that you pray for this sweet family.