Day 9 and still in the hospital!

Payton had a better day today. Our infectious disease doctor seemed to think that Payton is starting to improve. Counts were up a little and were hoping to get out of here in a few days. ANC needs to be between 500–1,000. We are at 120.

I don’t know why, but I have just been feeling really down and have had a crappy few days. I don’t know if it’s because Christmas is coming and we have no sort of life, or that I really miss my family that’s away, or that I’m sad to see Payton in the hospital so much, or that I am worried if his cancer does ever return, or that I feel really sorry for Savannah that she has no life outside of school or the hospital, or that I am so worried about Julian and his little family and how their MRI went today or if it's just a combination of everything. My worries are so much different than they were a year ago at this time. I feel like some times we go through life too fast and don’t stop to look at what’s really important. I ran across this poem written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital. This young girl passed away just after she wrote it.

SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music Before the song is over.

I know that I will never be the same person that I was before all this happened with Payton. I just don’t see things the same way that I did before. I will cherish every moment that I get to be with my kids. I love them both so much!