Chad got home from Canada on Friday evening and after I worked the weekend, Chad decided to take today off so that we could celebrate Payton’s clean scans. We went swimming, took a picnic, and enjoyed spending time together. We don’t get a chance to do that very often since Chad is busy with school Monday through Friday and I work Saturday and Sunday. Being together as a family is very special now!

Back to the clinic

We were back to the clinic on Friday to see Dr. Bowman. It was a long wait and I don’t miss that place at all. Apparently they have a lot of kids in the H/O clinic right now and it is a super long wait. Dr. Bowman said that Payton’s counts have recovered nice and said that he looks great. Dr. Bowman said he would like to wait another three months to make sure the 6 months CT/MRI Scans are clean before they remove his port. So in the meantime we have an appointment to have Payton’s port flushed in July.

On the way into the clinic Payton started screaming and said don’t put me on the bed. I really believe that he remembered our Wednesday visit when he was pinned down to be put under.


Payton hugging my leg and giving me a checkup while we waited to see the Dr.

Great News!

I finally received Payton’s MRI results today. Everything looks clean. Wahoo, I can actually breathe again. I feel like somebody just lifted 100 lbs worth of weights off of my chest. The wait is horrible I feel like you are waiting to get a call if your child will be living or not. Great news and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Thanks again to everyone for your unconditional love, support and prayers.

Quick picture of what our summer mornings are like. Sleeping in, oh yes, you got to love it. Both kids have been in bed with me this week since Chad’s been out of town.

Back to Cook's for an MRI/CT Scan

I didn’t tell Payton where we were going today since I didn’t want to stress him out. On the way to the hospital Payton said “Mom, I’m not going to the doctor today, nope.” It amazes me that he recognizes the freeway and which direction we are heading when we head to Cook’s. When we arrived to the hospital I tried to distract Payton with a sword I had brought and a Webkinz frog. It seemed to work for a while until he realized what was going on. Payton didn’t have to drink contrast today so it wasn’t the long painful wait that we usually have. Although, it’s hard to tell a three year old that they can’t eat or drink anything when they think they are starving. We got right back to pre-anesthesia and the anesthesiologist came and talked to me about how he thought we should try and get Payton to do his CT scan awake and that I could stay with him during that part. I guess they believe they can get better results from the scan if they are awake. I told him that we could try, but I really didn’t think that it would happen. When we arrived to the CT room, Payton immediately started screaming, I really didn’t think that he would lay his head in the little box and let them strap him down. I finally convinced him that it was a rocket ship and that we were going to take a picture of him in the rocket ship. Needles to say, he freaked out, but he held still enough to get it done. After, we met with the anesthesiologist again and Payton’s port was accessed and he was given his anesthesia to go to sleep. Typically, Payton falls asleep really quick, but he really fought it today. I think they realized how hard it was to watch Payton squirm while several people tied him down since they told me it was that I left the room. Wow, that’s really hard to watch. Since we haven’t done MRI’s before, I didn’t realize the long wait that it is. It took 2 ½ hrs to complete. While I was waiting in the waiting room I was watching so many families come and go with their children. All it takes to humble me sometimes is to sit in a children’s hospital and watch some of the problems and trials that these kids and families go through. I watched a couple families cry after they had been called back probably to hear the results they didn’t want to hear. I was thinking to myself about all the struggles that we go through in life and what some of these kids have to go through. It amazes me how these kids come into our lives and mean the absolute world to us. Once we have them we don’t know what we would do without them. We take them and accept them and love them no matter what the situation or hand we are dealt with.

It was really hard going back to cook’s today. It is weird being away for some time and then going back. It brought back some really horrible and painful memories. Payton was pretty red and mad coming out of the anesthesia, but he usually does that. Luckily it doesn’t take him long to forget about it.

Dr. Heym called this evening and said that he had the results of the CT scan, but not the MRI. CT scan showed clean lung nodules. We should receive the results of the MRI tomorrow. Good news on the CT scan and we are hoping for the same on the MRI. I can finally breathe a little better. Hopefully tomorrow will be good news as well. Thanks for everyone's concern, love and prayers.

Outside of Cook's on the bench


Pre-anesthesia room

I have been a nervous wreck anticipating the arrival of Payton’s CT/MRI on Wednesday. I am really trying to stay optimistic but I just can’t get it off of my mind. Payton’s really doing well other than from time to time he will complain of his stomach hurting. I really believe he is dealing with GI track issues from the chemo and radiation he received. We are just holding our breath that the side effects will be minimal.

What a sweet boy he is. I can’t believe how handsome he is getting as his hair starts coming in.
He doesn’t even look as if he’s been through chemo anymore; he just looks like he has a short summer haircut.

Chad took off to Canada on Sunday until Friday and the kids and I are just enjoying being together. If I can get through Wednesday, I know that I will feel much better. We will be back to the clinic on Friday, to have Payton’s port flushed and to further discuss Payton’s port removal. Only two appointments this week and yet I feel like it consumes so much of your week. I really don’t know how we made it through the past year. I will keep you updated on the results of the scans. Hopefully, I’ll know more on Wednesday evening. Hope everyone is having a good summer.

We went swimming again this afternoon. It’s the one thing that both of my kids love to do. After we went over to my sisters and had a BBQ. My younger sister will be leaving us on Wednesday and we are really going to miss her. We have had a lot of fun.

Payton's 1 Year Anniversary!

It’s hard to believe that today marks Payton’s 1 Year Anniversary of the day we found out he had cancer. It’s hard to believe that we were just taking him in for an ultra sound exam and ended up with such devastating, horrible shocking news. I remember getting the horrifying call from Chad that I better hurry up to the hospital, that something was wrong with Payton. I remember hearing the horrible words that he had cancer. I remember seeing him for the first time after hearing this and grabbing him so tight while tears streamed down my face. I remember the long wait in the cafeteria while we waited to meet with Dr. Bowman. I remember the clinic waiting room and watching all the bald headed little kids running around and feeling really scared. I remember meeting with Dr. Bowman and feeling such fear and anxiety of not knowing what the outcome would be. I remember the long painful drive home and the fear that I felt in wondering if I would lose Payton. I remember the hurt and pain that I felt the next morning I awoke and wondered how on earth we could ever get through this. I remember looking at Payton and wishing that I could take his place. Why him and not me?

As I sit here now, it feels like this past year has flown by and yet at the time it felt like it would never end. I felt like we stopped living and that our lives were put on hold. Our full attention was in the moment. I have seen the fear and hurt in the eyes of our family, friends and those who have desperately wanted to help. It has been a big psychological change for us all. What we never thought we could get through and what turned our lives upside down- well, all that has become a normal part of our everyday lives.

We move forward with cautious optimism, taking a day and a step at a time. It has been a bumpy ride, but one that we would repeat for our little guy, to have the same end result. We don’t know where the Lord plans to take us with this crazy journey, but we are very hopeful. It has changed my life for the better and given us a greater appreciation for all that we are blessed with. It’s a good thing that time heals a lot of things. This is not to say that we don’t have our down days. We are nervous and scared (fearful that the rug could be pulled from beneath us again) with the arrival of Payton’s CT scan and MRIs, as the results will determine the course our family will take over the next three months; either continued recovery or more intense “rescue treatment”. Of course we will always be fearful of long-term side effects. However, at some point you just have to get back to living your life, no matter how much everything has changed. I have also learned more about what I can do for others when they might be going through a crisis and how I might be of help.

So we did it! I can’t believe it’s been a year. I want to enjoy each moment of today just being thankful. I want to reflect on all the positive ways that cancer has changed my family’s life and I want Payton to know how truly brave and courageous that he his. I want him to know that he will always have a special place in our hearts. I want him to know how special he is to our family and I want him to know how many other lives he has changed by showing his bravery and his Christ like example. I want Savannah to know that she is just as brave and I love her just as much and am so proud of her as well. I want to thank Chad for the strength and wisdom which he showed me throughout this. I want to thank our family and friends for your unconditional continued support of love and concern, for getting us through this rough year. Love you all.