Thursday, April 29th, 2010

Life is good and I have so much to be grateful for. Payton is starting to recover and is doing much better. He is finally off of Lortab and has been taking Ibuprofen as needed. I've been wondering why Payton has not been asking many questions regarding his surgery since we didn’t give him prior warning. Well it hit me this past week when he broke down and sobbed for 30 minutes asking many questions of why he had to go through this. He didn’t ask anything while being under his strong pain medicine and now that he is off of it he has started asking questions. I was trying to mow the lawn while Chad was teaching his night class at TCC and Payton was watching me. Payton bumped into something in the garage and hurt his stomach and just lost it. He was asking all sort of questions like “Why didn’t you or Dad have to have surgery and why can’t you just take this surgery away? I am so tired of hurting and feeling this way.” Bless his heart for everything that he has had to endure. Every day seems to get a little better, but Payton seems to tire quickly and takes naps on a daily basis. I am totally amazed at the great faith that Payton has at the age of 5. So many times has Payton asked me to hold his little hand and say a prayer that his tummy will not hurt anymore. His appetite seems to be coming back now that he is off of his pain meds as well. He still looks pretty skinny but I know he will bounce back in no time at all. We are due back to see Dr. Miller on Tuesday and Payton is anxious to tell him that he has been following his instructions. We are hoping that Payton will feel good enough to return to school next week. Payton has asked several times about the kids in his class and his teacher Mrs. Robertson. I am thinking to let him return on Monday or possibly Wednesday since I would have to pull him out on Tuesday for his appointment anyway.

Payton is still my great little helper. Even though at times he doesn’t feel himself, he still insists on helping me with dinner, watering flowers, folding laundry and helping clean the house. He is by far my best little helper around the house. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t feel grateful that he is with me. He truly brings such joy to me and makes me smile every day. This has made me slow down even more and helped me to enjoy every little moment that life has to offer. I will slow down to his pace and hold his little hand and spend more time talking to him because every day with my little guy is truly a gift. I am so grateful that he is improving each day and cannot wait until the day he can ride his bike and go back to the park, since that is one of his favorite things to do. We are almost there.

Savannah on the other hand is a great little girl as well. She has had her 3rd Grade Texas State Taks Test this week. She has been a little stressed out but is relieved to have it over with. We struggle with her a little in the morning since she is just not a morning person. Savannah has a pretty funny personality and makes me laugh. Savannah has this phobia with flies in the house. She is constantly checking to make sure that doors are shut and if she happens to see a fly, she will run around chasing it until she catches it. Payton and I have spent many of days chuckling at watching her chase flies. Last night I was brushing Payton’s teeth and I happen to see a fly that I could easily catch. Knowing how much Sav hates flies, I decided to catch it. Savannah started jumping up and down and said “Mom, you did it, you killed the fly.” She then held out her hand, shook my hand and said “Congratulations, you have passed your first step of fly catching school.” She really has a funny personality and is a joy to be around.

Friday, April 23rd

I can hardly believe Payton has been home from the hospital a week from today. It has gone by fast and yet it has been a long hard week as well. Payton started showing some signs of improvement yesterday. He is still getting up a few times at night but after taking his medicine will go straight back to bed. He is walking around more although I really think that most of his comfort comes from being in an upright position. He is starting to eat better which we are so grateful for since he was really looking thin. Payton asked me yesterday, “Mom, Can I have a hug?” I replied of course you can buddy; do you need a hug today? And he said “Yes, I do Mom, because I had to go through a really hard surgery.” Out of all the things, Payton hates taking his medicine more than anything. We have started rotating the Lortab with some Ibuprofen and that seems to be working pretty well. Payton is starting to laugh a little and having more of a desire to play with his puzzles and toys. He still keeps asking me “What did Dr. Miller tell me that I could play with?” He wants to make sure that he doesn’t do anything that would cause him any discomfort.

Dr. Miller called on Wednesday and said that the Pathologist report was finalized. He said that it was indeed a benign growth and that it looks as if it was scar tissue with a little bit of iron that was probably left over from his chemo. He asked how Payton was doing and I told him that Chad and I didn’t realize what a rough surgery this would be. We thought that he would bounce back a little quicker like he did with his previous surgery. He said that it doesn’t surprise him since he had to stretch through his rib cage to cut out the piece of his liver. He said to Payton it probably feels like he has some broken ribs. Payton does walk around like he is in some discomfort.

This has been a good week with some peace of mind knowing that once we get Payton through this post-surgery that Payton will be able to return back to being a normal little boy. This is such a reminder to me that every day that we get to live is such a gift. Life is precious and shouldn’t be taken for granted. I am so grateful for Payton in my life. He has helped me to become a better person and I cannot imagine life without him. He is truly an angel to me and I cannot wait to see what kind of person that he becomes and what he will accomplish in his life. Does it take something like this in our life to make us realize what we have? I think so many of us run through life each day and forget who we are, why we are here and what matters very most. This has made me want to be a kinder person and to be more helpful to people in need. We have been so lucky to have some wonderful friends that have forever left a great impression on me. I am a believer that the Lord puts certain people in your life at different times to help you get through whatever challenges you might face. I have a few amazing people in my life that have totally touched me and forever changed my life. I have had people call at the right moment of offering just exactly what we needed. I am so amazed at how these special people stay so close to the spirit. I am going to strive really hard to be one of these people. I know that the people that have helped us will be truly blessed. I love Payton more that I can express and I thank Heavenly Father every day for helping us get through our challenges that sometimes have seemed too difficult to face. We are so blessed.

Monday, April 19th

Payton had a really rough night last night. He was pretty much up the whole night complaining that his tummy was hurting. I decided to call Dr. Miller’s office today since I feel that his Loratab doesn’t seem to be working as well. Dr. Miller said that we could up his dosage. Payton got down today and spent some time walking around. It was good to see him moving around on his own. Tonight Payton seems to be in pain again. I think that he has worn himself out. I am hoping that he will sleep better tonight since I have been exhausted all day. I sure love my little angel and am so proud of how hard he is trying to recover. I am grateful to great friends that have brought us meals so that I can focus on getting him better this week. I am also thankful for those who have brought by gifts to help cheer him up.

Another day closer to recovery...

We are grateful to be one day closer to recovery. Payton is still complaining that his stomach is “Ouchy.” I am surprised that he hasn’t asked more questions than he has. He will just make comments like “Savannah, you have to go to school tomorrow, but I don’t because I had surgery.” Payton was able to take a bath for the first time today and we were able to remove his bandage from his Chest tube. It was hard to see Payton in the tub since he looks really frail and skinny. It made me feel horrible to look at his big incision and think about how sore he must feel. When we were taking him out of the bath he was crying since he was in pain and I started sobbing. It is so hard to watch him hurt. Payton looked up at me and said “Mom, Don’t cry anymore, it will start to feel better soon.” I love the faith and strength that Payton shows and has shown throughout his life. After Payton’s bath he looked at me and said “Mom, we haven’t played Candy Land in a long time.” Candy Land is one of Payton’s favorite games. Surprisingly he sat up for a few minutes and played until he got tired. I love how little kids are so resilient. Payton took a few naps and still spent most of his day in bed. Payton is still on Lortab every 4 hrs and we hope that soon we can start winging him off. Savannah has been very patient and helpful with Payton. Payton enjoys having her company and having Savannah entertain him. We cannot wait until we can see our little guy run around again and be a normal 5 year old boy.

Grateful to be home

Payton has had one of his worst days post surgery. He has been in a lot of pain today and spent most of his day in bed. It breaks my heart when he cries because his tummy hurts. He feels best when he lies flat with no pillows. Payton cannot sit up or walk on his own. It makes him frustrated. Payton was sad to say goodbye to his Grandma today and has asked all day where she went. Payton ate a little better today. Payton is looking really skinny and frail. We are taking baby steps to recovery but hoping to get there soon. It was nice to be able to sleep in our own bed last night and we are so glad to be at home away from the hospital. We are grateful for every day that we have.

Day 5 and heading home

Today was another great day; Payton was released from the hospital. Payton had a chest x-ray this morning and Dr. Miller said that as long as it came back normal, Payton could go home. Everything looked great and Payton was finally released. He was thrilled to finally be leaving the hospital. Dr. Miller gave instructions for Payton to go back to school on May the 3rd and not to participate in outside recess and any physical activity until May 24th. Payton was so cute, Dr. Miller was telling him that he couldn’t play on the play ground or ride his bike for 5 weeks and Payton said “but can I ride in the wagon and can I do puzzles?” He made me smile. He is slowly turning the corner and every day seems to get just a little better. Payton has taken a few more steps with some help and is sitting up for longer periods of time. He is really nervous to do things in fear that it will hurt. When we got home from the hospital we let his Loratab run about 4 ½ hrs and he started crying that he was in so much pain. This is the first time since his surgery that I have seen tears from him, so I knew he was in pain. Payton really hates the taste of the medicine and is always concerned to when he has to take it next since it tastes so nasty. Up to this point we haven’t really talked to Payton much about his surgery and what happened, but today he had a few comments and questions. He wanted to know who else in our family has had surgery and what medicines that other kids have to take. Payton made the comment that he would like to be a Doctor when he grows up to help little kids.

Payton has been thrilled to be at home even though he has spent his whole day lying down since that is how he is most comfortable. He has enjoyed holding and playing with his toys. Our friend Mrs. Leslie came over and read books to Payton today so I could have a chance to do some laundry and unpack. I felt like I have hit the wall today and started feeling like I was going to pass out. I think that I have been stressed out for so long; not eating well or sleeping well that it is finally catching up with me. Chad and I have gotten very little sleep at the hospital and are really looking forward to a good night sleep in our own bed. We are sad that Grandma is leaving tomorrow and have appreciated so much having her here to help us get through the week. I feel so grateful for such a terrific family, friends and a loving Heavenly Father that have gotten me through the past 5 weeks. There are many times that I had family and friends that would hear me out with all my concerns. I have had great friends that have helped with my kids when I didn’t think that I could face the day. I had Payton’s 5th Birthday to celebrate through this and had great friends that helped plan a party for him since I couldn’t pull myself together to do it. You know that you have true friends when they lift you up when you have fallen and cannot get back up. I have so much to be grateful for and my heart is so full of love for so many people tonight. I know that Heavenly Father will bless these people for getting us through this difficult time. We are so happy to be at home as a family and feel that we can handle anything now. This ordeal has put everything in life into perspective for me.

Day 4 A Birthday to Remember…

I received one of the greatest gifts that I could have asked for my Birthday today. Payton’s growth came back benign. Dr. Bowman said that he will let us know further what pathology thinks; but that it is not a Wilm’s cancer reoccurrence. What absolute terrific news to say the least. Today I feel like I can breathe and feel like a hundred pounds has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am so grateful to My Heavenly Father for helping me get through the past five weeks and for helping get us through this surgery. I have so much to be grateful for. When Dr. Bowman came with the news I couldn’t resist but to jump up and hug him. I have such a love for Dr. Bowman and know that he has Payton’s best interest at heart. It hurts that Payton had to go through such a major surgery to find this out, but we cannot look back and know that we had to do what we had to do given Payton’s history. I feel so blessed today.

Payton has made small improvements today and I am so proud of him. He started eating just little bites and drinking a bit more. The anastheologist approved to take out his epidural and Dr. Miller said it was ok to take out his cathidar and chest tube. All of these things hurt a lot coming out, but Payton was relieved to not have so many lines hooked to him. Dr. Miller really wanted Payton to try and take a few steps today and he was able to accomplish this. It was really hard for him to stand up and took us helping balance him, but it was a big improvement compared to the last 3 days. Payton has spent a good part of his day alert and awake. They put him on an oral Loratab and it seems to be working well. They are trying to switch him to an oral medicine so that we have adjusted to it before he heads home. Dr. Miller acted like we might be able to go home tomorrow and let Payton recover there. Payton would love that since he spends most of his day asking when he gets to go home. I fear that Payton is going to be deathly afraid of the hospital now that he is old enough to remember a lot of this.

We are grateful my mom has been able to stay with us and help with Savannah so that we could focus on Payton during this time. Payton loved spending time with Grandma today and Grandma was trying to sing to him and he was feeling loopy from his Loratab and thought that it was so funny to change the words to the song. It was good to see him act more like himself. We are anxious to get Payton feeling better soon. Dr. Miller thought that Payton would need to take it easy for around 3 weeks and 4 weeks as far as being outside on playgrounds or on his bike where he could fall or get hurt. I have so much to be grateful for and my heart feels so full of love today. Thank you so much for all your prayers and kind words.

Day 3

It has been a rough day for Payton; he has thrown up a couple times and had a little bit of a low grade fever. I know that he is not feeling well when he just doesn’t have a desire to eat. He only ate two little bites of mashed potatoes and maybe an ounce or so of Sprite and water. Payton had a chest X-ray again today and everything looked good. Savannah came to the hospital today for the first time and Payton was glad to see her. It was hard for Savannah to see her little brother feeling so lousy.

Our nurse said that if Payton doesn’t start sitting up that he could get pneumonia, so we sat him up and it hurt a lot. We had him sit up in a chair for an hour. He was exhausted after that and just wanted to sleep. We saw Dr. Miller this evening and I talked to him about what a rough surgery this has been on Payton and how he has been in a lot of pain. He said he isn’t surprised since this was such a major surgery with him having to go through his rib cage, with the large incision that he has, and needing a chest tube. The anesthesiologist decided to increase Payton’s epidural meds again since he is still in a lot of pain. Dr. Miller said that he might remove Payton’s chest tube tomorrow and possibly the epidural. By upping the epidural it is making Payton start to hallucinate a bit tonight and he seems even more irritable. We are hoping that Payton turns the corner soon and starts feeling better.

Both Dr. Miller and Dr. Bowman said the pathologist needed one more day so the results will be in tomorrow. It has been a long few days waiting. We are hoping that Payton starts feeling better soon.

Day 2

The first 24 hours have been rough for Payton. He is really sore and still groggy. Payton’s IV burst and caused his hand to swell up and look purple. Payton’s nurse poked him three times trying to get a good vein and it continued bursting. They then called a specialist over to try and she tried another three times and each time it wouldn’t flush. Finally they had to move Payton to a rolling bed and take him another floor to have an on-call anesthesiologist try to get his IV in. The 7th time was the charm. While Payton’s nurse was trying to get his IV in him, Payton looked over at me and said “Mom, am I in trouble?” I lost it again. It made me feel horrible if he was thinking that he was getting poked because he was in trouble. They lowered Payton’s Epidural dosage to try and get him to move his feet and legs a little more. He had little sips of water and some ice chips and has been given the ok to try to eat a little, but doesn’t seem to have the desire. It breaks my heart watching Payton go from being a normal healthy boy running around, to being tied down to a hospital bed. He is so sweet and so courageous. Dr. Miller came by to check on Payton and said that they don’t have the results from the pathologist yet but will have them tomorrow. It has been the longest five weeks of my life waiting and wondering what will happen to my little guy. It has torn me apart and I have gone through every emotion possible. I look back at the past month and it all feels like a blur. I cannot recall much of the time and feel like I just went through the motions to get through. I love him more than anything and this past five weeks has once again reminded me of what is most important in life. There is nothing more important than your family and your loved ones. Money and material things will come and go but when you get put in a situation like this nothing else matters. I pray for good results.

Day 1 in the hospital...

What an exhausting day it was yesterday. We arrived at the hospital and Payton immediately started asking questions. We hadn’t said much to Payton about this surgery since we knew that it would scare and worry him. Payton started to ask if they were going to put that thing over his mouth (referring to the gas mask.) He pointed to another part of the hospital and said they only put that thing over your mouth over at that part of the hospital. We checked in and went to the 2nd floor, the surgery floor. Payton started to ask more questions, still not wanting to concern him we told him that he was in for his routine picture scans. We were called back for PRE-OP and they drew Payton’s blood to cross match for any transfusions that he might need. We had requested that Payton get his “giggle juice” (which is what he calls it) so that it would relax him. Chad and I were told that we could walk back to the Surgery room doors while the nurse moved him on a stretcher. I lost it, it was one the hardest things that I have ever had to do next to going in for his nephrectomy surgery. I ached so much for my little guy knowing what he would have to go through over the next few hours. Payton was finally taken into surgery around 12:50 p.m. First Dr. Miller opened Payton and tried to feel around to see if he could feel the spot in his liver; he was unable to feel it. He then placed an Ultra Sound directly on top of Payton’s bare liver to see if he could see the spot with the ultra sound and still nothing. Payton has had 3 previous Ultra Sounds that did not pick it up either so it wasn’t surprising. Dr. Miller then tried the IMRI and the picture came back with nothing on it. Each time they do the IMRI it takes 45 minutes and this was Dr. Miller’s first time of using this machine. Chad and I felt for a bit that Payton was being used as a guinea pig (in pre-op, one of the nurses mentioned that they were excited to see this new device used for the first time on something besides a neurological surgery). By this time Payton had already been in surgery for just over 3 hrs and we hadn’t gotten anywhere. Dr. Miller had the nurse call us and tell us that they were going to try several things to try and get a better view. We were praying that they didn’t just open Payton up and not be able to find this growth. They were finally able to get a good image and Dr. Miller was able to start cutting the liver and removing the growth. Using the IMRI, they marked the spot with a threading needle to show Dr. Miller exactly where to cut. The spot was small enough that Dr. Miller said it was like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. It was 5:00 and Payton had already been under for over 4 hrs. The original plan was to remove the growth and then rescan with the IMRI to confirm the spot had been completely removed. Because of the difficulty they had obtaining the first image, Dr. Miller didn’t want to rely on the IMRI to confirm whether they had removed it all. He called and asked one of the pathologists to stay a little longer to confirm whether the growth had been removed with clean margins. Dr. Miller kept Payton open while waiting for word from the pathologist and we were eventually told that the growth had been removed in whole. Thank goodness. After the surgery they put in an epidural to help with pain management. When Dr. Miller finally came out of surgery to talk with us, he looked exhausted. He felt confident that the growth was removed in whole. He said that it was about the size of your small finger nail and was round like the shape of a pea. Dr. Miller said that Payton did a great job and that we would hear some results on the pathology in the next day or two. What was supposed to be a 4 hr. surgery turned into a 7 hr surgery. Payton then had to go in for a chest x-ray to make sure they couldn’t see any internal bleeding. It was 10:00 before I was able to see Payton and I could hardly wait to love on him. When Payton came out of surgery he asked if he was in trouble. He has been asking that lately and I don’t know why. “Of course not”, I told him.

Payton has been sleepy and feeling groggy. He complains of his back hurting and his body being itchy. What a difference this is compared to his last surgery that he is able to communicate and tell us how he feels. He was up most of the night on and off saying that he wants to go home. Asking where Grandma and sissy are and asking if he can go to school tomorrow to see Mrs. Robertson and the kids. Payton melts my heart and is such a trooper. He is being so brave and we can’t wait to get him better soon. I will update as soon as I get the pathology report. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and kind words.

Update...

What an exhausting day it has been and it still is not over yet. Payton was taken back for surgery at 12:50. Dr. Miller first opened Payton up and tried to feel around to see if he could feel the spot in his liver. After not being able to feel it he then tried an Ultra Sound and still nothing. He then used the IMRI and nothing showed on it. Finally after 4 ½ hrs of trialing he tried the IMRI again and finally got a good enough picture to do the surgery. It is 6:00 p.m. and could be a couple more hours. We are anxious to see our little guy soon.

Easter! April 2010

Easter morning was great. My parents arrived the night before and it was so nice having them here to spend the day with us. The kids were thrilled with their Easter Baskets and it was great being able to spend the morning together. It has been a few years since I have spent Easter morning with my kids since I am usually working. We had a great ham lunch and Grandma and Grandpa had a fun Easter egg hunt planned for the kids. The kids had a great time hunting for the eggs since Grandma and Grandpa had put money in them.

It was a great week spending time with my parents. We took the kids to see How to train your Dragon, went to lunch daily, did a little bit a shopping and spent a lot of time talking about Payton and how concerned we were for his upcoming surgery. My mom has had some health issues herself over the past 6 months. She went on a cruise with my dad and sister and since then, she has come home with this disembarkment syndrome. She has been struggling with this for over 6 months, so it was nice of her to come and help with the kids given her situation.

Surgery update...

Payton’s surgery date has been rescheduled for Monday, April the 12th. It was supposed to be the 6th until they realized that there was a conflict of scheduling with the IMRI that is involved in the surgery. It has been a long few weeks anticipating and awaiting this surgery. We are anxious and trying to stay hopeful that everything will go ok. Payton's surgery time will be around 4 hrs and he will need to be in the hospital for 5 days… with about a 3 week recovery time. His incision will be about the same size as his previous nephrectomy surgery. Thank you for you kind words, prayers, love and support.

Payton's Birthday

We celebrated Payton's Birthday the whole week of his Birthday. We had some friends that planned a fun little get together at CiCi's Pizza for us since we were really stressed out at the time trying to get ready for his surgery. They had done a pirate theme with Balloon’s, Cupcakes and fun gifts. Payton was really surprsied since we did not tell him prior.






Payton has been going to preschool to Mrs. Becki's house, our neighbor on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons after Mrs. Robertson's class. Payton has had a cute little class with three little boys; Payton, Geoffrey and Morgan. Morgan was getting ready to move at the time so Mrs. Becki planned a Birthday Party for Payton and a going away Party for Morgan on their last day of school. These three cute kids are such great friends. She also invited 2 more of Payton's little friends; Nicky and Matt.







On Payton’s Birthday I took Spiderman cupcakes to his Pre-K class. Later that evening we took Payton to Chili’s (his choice of restaurant because of the chocolate molten cake) and we had tickets to see Disney on Ice the Let’s Celebrate showing. We got popcorn and drinks for the kids and they both had a great time. Payton was super excited to see all the fun Disney’s characters since he has spent a lot of time talking about them since our visit to Disney World in December.





We decided to wait and have Payton’s cake the day after his Birthday since Grandpa and Grandma Archibald were coming to Texas to visit and help with Payton’s surgery. They arrived late Saturday evening and Payton’s was excited to finally have his cake and to finish opening his presents. It was a great evening spent since it has been a long 9 months since we have seen them.