How Do You Spell Relief????? N.E.D.

Payton’s CT/MRI was clear. No Evidence of Disease. That is music to the ears of any mother or father whose child has had cancer. All of Payton’s tests were good and he is growing well. What a relief and I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off. Dr Bowman said that he has great hope for Payton. Good news to say the least. It was a long 4 hour visit to the clinic and we were so ready to walk out of there. Thank you so much for your prayers and best wishes for us. Here are a few pictures at the clinic...

Payton's 1 Year after treatment scan day!

Today was Payton’s 1 year after treatment Echo/EKG, CT scan and MRI. It was long and very stressful day which I am glad to have over with. The day started with Payton’s Echo/EKG, thank goodness that Curious George was on T.V. to help us get through those tests. After Payton had his CT scan and MRI which is always a long wait. They gave Payton some ‘giggle juice’ before giving him his gas mask and he started saying “one doctor, two doctor, three doctor, four doctor, five doctor and six doctors.” He was acting goofy so I thought for sure the medicine was working, but when it was time for his gas mask he really fought it. I always struggle with that part. I keep thinking this will get easier and it never does. It breaks my heart having to watch Payton be so scared and go through such a traumatic event. My chest feels heavy and my heart aches when I have to watch him. The pain doesn’t go away until I get some good results. Twelve more hours and hopefully I will be able to breathe again. Chad and I broke away to the cafeteria after Payton was taken back for his scans. We spent our time talking about how much this has changed our family and how blessed we felt to have found Payton’s tumor when we did. It was a good conversation and I feel that we have all come so far in our lives and this has made our family so much stronger and closer. I’m exhausted and heading to bed, hopefully will be posting good news tomorrow.

Waiting for Echo/EKG

Payton's Echo/EKG

Waiting for CT/MRI


Payton after he took his "giggle juice"

Trying to wake up after the anaesthesia

My heart has been aching the past few days since I heard that Princess Haley passed away on Saturday. Haley was diagnosed with a Wilm’s Tumor at Cook’s as Payton was finishing up with his treatment. It boggles my mind since Haley’s prognosis was originally better than Payton’s. I pray that their little family can get through this rough time.

I can hardly believe that Payton is about to approach his one year after treatment mark. As I look back and think about the past year, so much goes through my head...I feel that throughout all this that I was ripped down to the very core and at that point, if you’ve even been there in your life, you will know and understand that your heart is forever changed. It helps you to discover who you truly are and what’s most important in life. The hard part about the past year has been that I still worry if the cancer will ever return and I hate the anxiety and stress that this puts on me. The good part is that it has been a fantastic year. I feel like a year of our life was taken but in return I believe that it makes me live in the moment and helps me to have more patience, understanding and compassion. I watch Payton now and my heart feels so full of love and appreciation for him and for all that he endured. I still plead with the Lord and ask for him not to take Payton, because I know that it would be more than what I can handle and I would live the rest of my life with a broken heart. I have loved watching Payton recover and loved watching him be a little boy again. I love the second chance at life that he was given. I still continue to have such a soft heart for Payton and always will. I always get emotional as Payton’s scans start to approach. Next week Payton has an Echo, EKG, CT, MRI and an oncology appointment, it should be a busy week but hopefully a good week.

On another note, we were at Target and ran into Dr. Heym one of Payton’s oncologist at Cook’s. It was so great to see him again and he was so kind to Payton and said he couldn’t believe how great Payton was looking. It's crazy that all it takes is running into one of these oncologist and the memories that it triggers. I have so much love for the great oncologists that treated Payton!

Lately, Payton has been saying some cute things. Saturday when we were in the car and discussing what we were doing Payton replied “I’m losing my patience with all of you.” Payton saw a cute baby on the T.V. and was telling me how cute it was and so we have been teasing him asking him if he wants to be a big brother he has been so stressed out and telling us “Let’s just get a dog instead of a baby.” Every morning he awakes he says I don’t want to pick up a baby today, ok mom. No this is not an announcement, Chad is about to finish Grad school in August and that has to happen first. Payton also asked on Saturday night, “Do I have to go to Church tomorrow?” We replied yes Payton and he said “I just go to church to sings songs, say prayers and eat bread.” He has had us all laughing this week with the funny things he’s said.

Payton's Preschool

Here are some pictures of Payton’s Valentine’s and Year End Preschool Party. Preschool was cut short this year since Payton’s teacher Miss Becki was put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. The kids enjoyed being together again and it was a lot of fun watching them.

A day with Payton...

Conversation between Payton and myself:

Payton…Mom, where’s my other shoe?


Me…I don’t know Payton you’re going to have to look for it


Payton…Let’s buy another shoe


Me…No…Payton we are not going to buy another shoe…You will have to find your shoe


We do this every day, we can never find Payton’s shoes. Then I hear Payton talking on the phone in the other room…I go in to listen. On the phone Payton is saying…Santa Clause I need you to bring me another shoe...I’ve lost my shoe and my mom said she won’t buy me another.


Finally we find Payton’s other shoe.


Payton…I need to call Santa back and tell him to bring me two shoes now…for the next time I lose my shoe.


We finally make it to Target…In Target we throw a huge temper tantrum because we want gold fish…I’m seriously thinking to myself why do I take this kid anywhere.


Finally back home and we are as happy as can be. We would much rather be home. We spend the day outside since it's an absolutely beautiful day in the 70’s. Payton asked if he could bring his back pack outside…He is such a pack rat…when we tell him that he gets mad and says no I’m not I’m Payton.

Contemplating...

I’ve been contemplating a lot today as I watched Payton play outside… I was thinking about how blessed I was to be able to watch him play. I feel like I have been given a second chance at life…I feel like throughout this journey we have been through that it has given me patience, understanding and compassion. I often wonder if I would be the person that I am today if I hadn’t been through the trials that I was faced with. I love being a mom to my two sweet kids…Lately Payton has been a bit of a handful since I believe he is finally going through some of the stages that me missed while going through treatment. I have such a soft heart for him that it helps me get through the rough days. I still think about Payton’s cancer all the time. I contemplate everyday to why some kids make it and some don’t. I still worry every day if the cancer will ever return. I still worry about all the little kids we came in contact with at Cook’s. I believe that it makes me live in the moment more and helps me to be more understanding. I hate that I still think about this on a daily basis…I hate that I still have this fear that lives inside of me and never leaves. I hate the anxiety that this causes me and the stress that it has put on me. Would I change it all? Would I change the person that it’s helped me become? I don’t know that answer…all that I know is that I will move on the best that I can. I will enjoy every day that I have with my loved ones and have faith in the Lord that he knows what’s best. Anyway, I’m rambling on but just wanted to put down some of my thoughts. I really hope that my kids do know how much I love them…They are everything to me and so is my family. Live in the moment…Enjoy the small simple things in life and have no regrets.

Savannah's Baptism Day...

Our sweet Savannah was baptized a member of our church on Saturday. It was a special day. Many people who love and care for Savannah came to her baptism. My parents flew in from Utah, my sister and her kids, as well as some great friends all attended. It was a special day and the first baptism in our family.

It will always be a day to remember… My parents gave Savannah a nice set of leather bound scriptures with her name engraved upon them. I remember seeing them on the couch after the baptism and decided to take them up to her room. Somehow Payton and Ella got a hold of them and managed to get them wet and threw them underneath our trampoline. When Chad found them, they literally had to be rung out and had to be dried with a hair dryer. Thank goodness the scriptures are still salvageable and only have minor damage, but only after drying and ironing many pages. What would make two 3 yr olds do something like this? I have just been sick about it all week. It was definitely a day to remember