My Great Family!

My heart has been aching the past few days since I heard that Princess Haley passed away on Saturday. Haley was diagnosed with a Wilm’s Tumor at Cook’s as Payton was finishing up with his treatment. It boggles my mind since Haley’s prognosis was originally better than Payton’s. I pray that their little family can get through this rough time.

I can hardly believe that Payton is about to approach his one year after treatment mark. As I look back and think about the past year, so much goes through my head...I feel that throughout all this that I was ripped down to the very core and at that point, if you’ve even been there in your life, you will know and understand that your heart is forever changed. It helps you to discover who you truly are and what’s most important in life. The hard part about the past year has been that I still worry if the cancer will ever return and I hate the anxiety and stress that this puts on me. The good part is that it has been a fantastic year. I feel like a year of our life was taken but in return I believe that it makes me live in the moment and helps me to have more patience, understanding and compassion. I watch Payton now and my heart feels so full of love and appreciation for him and for all that he endured. I still plead with the Lord and ask for him not to take Payton, because I know that it would be more than what I can handle and I would live the rest of my life with a broken heart. I have loved watching Payton recover and loved watching him be a little boy again. I love the second chance at life that he was given. I still continue to have such a soft heart for Payton and always will. I always get emotional as Payton’s scans start to approach. Next week Payton has an Echo, EKG, CT, MRI and an oncology appointment, it should be a busy week but hopefully a good week.

On another note, we were at Target and ran into Dr. Heym one of Payton’s oncologist at Cook’s. It was so great to see him again and he was so kind to Payton and said he couldn’t believe how great Payton was looking. It's crazy that all it takes is running into one of these oncologist and the memories that it triggers. I have so much love for the great oncologists that treated Payton!

Lately, Payton has been saying some cute things. Saturday when we were in the car and discussing what we were doing Payton replied “I’m losing my patience with all of you.” Payton saw a cute baby on the T.V. and was telling me how cute it was and so we have been teasing him asking him if he wants to be a big brother he has been so stressed out and telling us “Let’s just get a dog instead of a baby.” Every morning he awakes he says I don’t want to pick up a baby today, ok mom. No this is not an announcement, Chad is about to finish Grad school in August and that has to happen first. Payton also asked on Saturday night, “Do I have to go to Church tomorrow?” We replied yes Payton and he said “I just go to church to sings songs, say prayers and eat bread.” He has had us all laughing this week with the funny things he’s said.