My heart has been aching the past few days since I heard that Princess Haley passed away on Saturday. Haley was diagnosed with a Wilm’s Tumor at Cook’s as Payton was finishing up with his treatment. It boggles my mind since Haley’s prognosis was originally better than Payton’s. I pray that their little family can get through this rough time.

I can hardly believe that Payton is about to approach his one year after treatment mark. As I look back and think about the past year, so much goes through my head...I feel that throughout all this that I was ripped down to the very core and at that point, if you’ve even been there in your life, you will know and understand that your heart is forever changed. It helps you to discover who you truly are and what’s most important in life. The hard part about the past year has been that I still worry if the cancer will ever return and I hate the anxiety and stress that this puts on me. The good part is that it has been a fantastic year. I feel like a year of our life was taken but in return I believe that it makes me live in the moment and helps me to have more patience, understanding and compassion. I watch Payton now and my heart feels so full of love and appreciation for him and for all that he endured. I still plead with the Lord and ask for him not to take Payton, because I know that it would be more than what I can handle and I would live the rest of my life with a broken heart. I have loved watching Payton recover and loved watching him be a little boy again. I love the second chance at life that he was given. I still continue to have such a soft heart for Payton and always will. I always get emotional as Payton’s scans start to approach. Next week Payton has an Echo, EKG, CT, MRI and an oncology appointment, it should be a busy week but hopefully a good week.

On another note, we were at Target and ran into Dr. Heym one of Payton’s oncologist at Cook’s. It was so great to see him again and he was so kind to Payton and said he couldn’t believe how great Payton was looking. It's crazy that all it takes is running into one of these oncologist and the memories that it triggers. I have so much love for the great oncologists that treated Payton!

Lately, Payton has been saying some cute things. Saturday when we were in the car and discussing what we were doing Payton replied “I’m losing my patience with all of you.” Payton saw a cute baby on the T.V. and was telling me how cute it was and so we have been teasing him asking him if he wants to be a big brother he has been so stressed out and telling us “Let’s just get a dog instead of a baby.” Every morning he awakes he says I don’t want to pick up a baby today, ok mom. No this is not an announcement, Chad is about to finish Grad school in August and that has to happen first. Payton also asked on Saturday night, “Do I have to go to Church tomorrow?” We replied yes Payton and he said “I just go to church to sings songs, say prayers and eat bread.” He has had us all laughing this week with the funny things he’s said.

Payton's Preschool

Here are some pictures of Payton’s Valentine’s and Year End Preschool Party. Preschool was cut short this year since Payton’s teacher Miss Becki was put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. The kids enjoyed being together again and it was a lot of fun watching them.

A day with Payton...

Conversation between Payton and myself:

Payton…Mom, where’s my other shoe?


Me…I don’t know Payton you’re going to have to look for it


Payton…Let’s buy another shoe


Me…No…Payton we are not going to buy another shoe…You will have to find your shoe


We do this every day, we can never find Payton’s shoes. Then I hear Payton talking on the phone in the other room…I go in to listen. On the phone Payton is saying…Santa Clause I need you to bring me another shoe...I’ve lost my shoe and my mom said she won’t buy me another.


Finally we find Payton’s other shoe.


Payton…I need to call Santa back and tell him to bring me two shoes now…for the next time I lose my shoe.


We finally make it to Target…In Target we throw a huge temper tantrum because we want gold fish…I’m seriously thinking to myself why do I take this kid anywhere.


Finally back home and we are as happy as can be. We would much rather be home. We spend the day outside since it's an absolutely beautiful day in the 70’s. Payton asked if he could bring his back pack outside…He is such a pack rat…when we tell him that he gets mad and says no I’m not I’m Payton.

Contemplating...

I’ve been contemplating a lot today as I watched Payton play outside… I was thinking about how blessed I was to be able to watch him play. I feel like I have been given a second chance at life…I feel like throughout this journey we have been through that it has given me patience, understanding and compassion. I often wonder if I would be the person that I am today if I hadn’t been through the trials that I was faced with. I love being a mom to my two sweet kids…Lately Payton has been a bit of a handful since I believe he is finally going through some of the stages that me missed while going through treatment. I have such a soft heart for him that it helps me get through the rough days. I still think about Payton’s cancer all the time. I contemplate everyday to why some kids make it and some don’t. I still worry every day if the cancer will ever return. I still worry about all the little kids we came in contact with at Cook’s. I believe that it makes me live in the moment more and helps me to be more understanding. I hate that I still think about this on a daily basis…I hate that I still have this fear that lives inside of me and never leaves. I hate the anxiety that this causes me and the stress that it has put on me. Would I change it all? Would I change the person that it’s helped me become? I don’t know that answer…all that I know is that I will move on the best that I can. I will enjoy every day that I have with my loved ones and have faith in the Lord that he knows what’s best. Anyway, I’m rambling on but just wanted to put down some of my thoughts. I really hope that my kids do know how much I love them…They are everything to me and so is my family. Live in the moment…Enjoy the small simple things in life and have no regrets.

Savannah's Baptism Day...

Our sweet Savannah was baptized a member of our church on Saturday. It was a special day. Many people who love and care for Savannah came to her baptism. My parents flew in from Utah, my sister and her kids, as well as some great friends all attended. It was a special day and the first baptism in our family.

It will always be a day to remember… My parents gave Savannah a nice set of leather bound scriptures with her name engraved upon them. I remember seeing them on the couch after the baptism and decided to take them up to her room. Somehow Payton and Ella got a hold of them and managed to get them wet and threw them underneath our trampoline. When Chad found them, they literally had to be rung out and had to be dried with a hair dryer. Thank goodness the scriptures are still salvageable and only have minor damage, but only after drying and ironing many pages. What would make two 3 yr olds do something like this? I have just been sick about it all week. It was definitely a day to remember

Savannah's 8th Birthday Party!

We told Savannah she could have a Birthday Party this year since she missed out last year with Payton still undergoing treatment. When I asked Savannah what she wanted to do for her party she told me she wanted to pamper her friends. She pretty much planned the party herself. We started out with manicures at the nail salon and ended with a lunch at Jason’s Deli. The girls had a great time and I loved watching Savannah interact with all her friends.

Happy 8th Birthday Savannah

I can hardly believe that our little girl turned 8 today. When Savannah was born we had a scare when the doctor discovered that her umbilical cord had detached from the placenta. We felt so blessed she made it here ok. We moved Savannah from Utah to Indiana when she was 9 months old and then to Texas just before her 2nd Birthday. Texas is the only home that Savannah remembers. Savannah is a peacemaker, is tender hearted and always concerned about the feelings of others. She is a great helper and always willing to do anything you ask her to do. Savannah is an over achiever at school and is very smart; anything that Savannah puts her mind to she gives a hundred percent. Savannah enjoys taking art classes and has become a great little artist. Savannah loves to play outside with her friends and brother…Savannah has a great imagination and can always find something to do. Savannah’s favorite thing to do is have a movie party with her family with cookies of course. Savannah is always honest and quick to apologize when she recognizes she has done something wrong. Savannah…we are so glad you are a part of our family and love you so much!

For Savannah’s Birthday she wanted a simple evening…We had Aunt Jennifer and her cousins over for pizza. Savannah is a home body and is most happy and content when she is spending time with her family at home.