My Great Family!

I took the kids to the park last Saturday since the weather is finally starting to warm up a bit. I had one of those awe moments that catch your breath and make you wish that you could freeze that very moment. I was watching Payton run around the park and I was having flash backs of different moments when he was going through treatments. I remembered back to specific times that I wondered what the future would hold for him. I remember wondering if I would be given the chance to see his health return and see him become a normal healthy little boy again. I was thinking about all this and then Payton turned to me and said “Mom, I just want to stay here and play with my friends a little longer.” The tears rolled down my face as I felt so grateful and lucky to have him say that to me. It hurts sometimes when I hear and read about so many kids that he went through treatment with that lost their life to cancer. I think all the time about why I still get to hold my little boy and watch him run and play and why so many other parents are grieving. It hurts. This has humbled me in my life and helped me to realize what is most important, because none of us know how much time we have here on earth or a full understanding to why so many of us face different challenges.

It has been a bit of a struggle for me over the past 3 months since Payton had his CT/MRI in December. I have been trying not to mix faith and fear together. Payton’s MRI and CT scans are this coming Thursday. Payton has had 2 Ultra Sounds after they found the questionable spot on his liver in December and has not yet had another CT/ MRI. I find my mind wandering at times and wondering if just maybe they just couldn’t see the spot on the Ultra Sound and what would happen if they see it again. What a struggle this has been for me and it seems like every day I have to remind myself that I cannot mix faith and fear together. I am grateful that I have a loving Heavenly Father that is aware of my challenges and is very tender and merciful. I am grateful for the help that I have been given because I know without a doubt I never would have gotten to this point alone. I am grateful for challenges because it makes me who I am today. I feel so much love for my two wonderful children. I am so grateful for the chance I have to raise them and watch them grow. I guess I need some of these constant reminders to help remind me what matters most in life.