Just lying here looking at Payton this morning and counting my blessings. I don’t know what I would ever do without him. He gives me the courage that I need to get through life. What a sweet little guy he is. As Chad and I were walking out of the hospital yesterday, we were talking about what memories we have of Cook’s. We can’t even walk down the hall without seeing somebody that we know. I was telling Chad how exhausted I feel and it’s not the exhausted physical feeling that a good night’s sleep is going to cure; it’s an exhausted emotional feeling that I feel that will take some time to heal. Maybe a long vacation, I’ll have to see? I am so glad to finally get things back to normal, but even happier for Payton. I don’t want to see him cry anymore, get scared anymore, get poked anymore, or be sick anymore. I want to see him go on and be a happy 2 year old boy. I really don’t believe that Payton will remember anything about his 2nd year of life; I think he’s too young. I think that he will remember some of the CT scans and testing, since he will be doing that until he’s 7 years old. What a true blessing that is. I would have it that way. That is why I have been trying to do a better job at recording these memories, so he can look back and know how brave he really was. What a relief this is to have gotten this far. Are we actually finishing this chapter of this of our lives? I really hope so. What is normal anymore? I’m not sure that I will ever look at life the way that I saw it before. Not just because of Payton, but also because of all the kids we have met and become friends with at Cooks. It’s given me a new perspective on life. I have always been one to worry about everything. I’m finding myself not worrying so much about little things, which we have no control over. It makes me look at the bigger picture and I have a different outlook on things. None of us can know how much time we or our children have here, that is largely out of our hands, but what we can do is really enjoy and appreciate the time we get to spend with our loved ones and friends and live each day as best we can.

GREAT NEWS! Payton’s scan’s showed up clear. It’s been a long day and we are glad to have it over. We hadn’t been home more than an hour when Dr. Bowman was on the phone, it actually startled me to why he would be calling so soon. Dr. Bowman said “everything looks clean as a whistle and nothing to be concerned with”. What a relief! Dr. Bowman also said to still be cautious with Payton, since his counts are still low, as determined from the CBC in radiology today. We actually broke away outside for a couple hours while Payton was drinking his contrast and I have some cute pictures of him that I will post. Payton had just fallen asleep before the anesthesiologist arrived, so I carried him down to the CT room asleep, but he woke up as they placed a mask over his face. Poor kid woke up to a doctor and several nurses pinning him down and placing a mask on him. After the CT scan, Payton was really upset as he woke up because he had a peripheral IV in his hand and a scratchy throat from the breathing tube. Thank goodness he is only two and it doesn’t take long for him to forget about things. Love you little guy, you did great today. We will be back to the clinic with Dr. Bowman on Friday for a consultation to map out the next year.

Fun times together!

Today was a great day. We decided not to fuss much with dinner, so we could spend some time together; we went to Chick-Fil-A and had a picnic outside(got to love Tuesday nights when kids eat free), since we are enjoying weather in the 70’s in Texas. We enjoyed the evening jumping on the trampoline and had many laughs. We are all thrilled to finally be at home together. Family time will alway be a little more special, given all we have been through.

Tomorrow is Payton’s CT scan; we need to be there at 9:00 a.m. to have him start drinking contrast and his scan will be around 1:30. Will keep you informed of how the scan goes, just as soon as we have any results. Chad is taking off the day to go with me, since I hate doing these scans alone with Payton, especially since they have to put him under.

Everyday Payton is showing signs of improvement. He is starting to eat better and I don’t think it will take him long to bulk up again. We ordered “Joe’s hot noodles" this weekend and Payton ate two bowls. He’s a better eater than Savannah these days. Payton still acts a little more tired than normal, but it’s nice to know that we are finally rounding the corner to recovery and nice to know that he will not be sick anymore.

Payton’s CT scan in on Wednesday, we will be glad to get this day over. As optimistic as we are, we are still really nervous.

Over the weekend, Savannah got a little tired of us and decided that she’s had enough togetherness. She went up to her room and put signs on her door. Don't we all feel like doing this sometimes?

My brave little boy

Payton one day I’ll have a story to tell you, since you are too young to understand, to know. It’s about a brave little boy I know. A brave little boy, that had a nephrectomy and a port surgically placed into his chest (twice). It’s about a brave little boy that went through radiation and chemotherapy that slowly took his identity away. It’s about a brave little boy that spent extended time in the hospital, hooked up to a pole. This is about a brave little boy that spent his 2nd year of life fighting a horrible battle. That brave little boy, Payton, is you. You fought cancer, my little one. We fought this together and I am so proud of you. Because of your braveness, you made me strong when I was weak. Payton I hope that one day you can look back and know that through all this you were so brave, and because of this, you will be able to derive the strength to overcome anything that you might be faced with in your life. What courage you have shown your family, my brave little boy. We are so proud of you. Payton you have such a special place in our hearts and I hope that you will always know, how much we love you and how much you mean to us, my brave little boy. You have taught and shown me by example how to be a better, stronger person and how we should act in our lives. Little guy, you are my hero, thank you for being so brave and for teaching what I need to know.
This is the long hallway that we used to have to walk when we’d have appointments. Sometimes we’d pace this hallway back and forth when we were anxious or when you were sick while we waited. Sometime we’d eat breakfast or lunch there, if they were slow and you were starving. Sometimes when you were feeling good, we’d race down the hall or I’d even give you piggyback rides, until I was too tired. If this hallway could speak it would have a story to tell.
Here is the waiting room that we would sit in, sometimes for hours. I’ll never forget being in this room after your first ultra sound and waiting for a consultation with Dr. Bowman whom would be your oncologist. A lot of hours and tears were shed in this room; while I would watch you play.
Here was the desk that we’d check-in and out of. All the ladies that sat here, were so sympathetic and could tell when you weren’t feeling well, they would come and give you a hug. When you were done with your procedures for the day, you would blow them kisses.
Here is the room that we would sit in for hours. The room, which you had your port accessed in, and where you received nasty chemo and transfusions. This is the room that you would tell the nurses and doctors to go to the "naughty spot" and scream for them not to hug your leg. This is the room that you would play in when you were feeling good or that I would hold you and rock you to sleep when you were sick. Oh, my brave little boy, how I love you so.

A day to celebrate; Payton's last chemo day!

Our friend Lisa Dixon has been so great through all of this, she has been such a great support and I really appreciate her stepping in and taking the initiative. Every day we are reminded how the Lord works through others to get us through whatever challenges that we are facing. I only hope that I can repay the favor, to someone in need, someday. Tonight she brought by a candy bar poster for Payton and a congratulations balloon for finishing up with his chemo. Payton was thrilled! Thanks Lisa, we love you!

Thanks to everyone that has been bringing by meals as well and there were many people, which brought them several times. It has been great to not have to worry about cooking, when Payton was not feeling well. It was nice to be able to spend that quality time with him, when he needed it most and to still be able to have a nice meal. So appreciated, thanks so much!