Are you my friend?

I watched my niece Ella today since my sister worked last night. Payton and Ella walked around saying to each other “Are you my friend?” and the other would say “yea.” As sweet as they both are they are very mischievous when together. As I was getting ready to take them to the park, I heard them talking upstairs about “yummy hotdogs.” I darted upstairs to find them both eating raw hotdogs from the fridge. I can’t imagine why they would want a raw hotdog, since I had tried all morning to get them to eat breakfast and they insisted they weren’t hungry. I decided to run through Burger King and get some red Icees and chicken nuggets to take to the park. I don’t know what I was thinking with the red Icees, but as I pulled up to the park Ella got so excited that she threw her drink down. As I started to clean it up I look over and Payton had thrown his as well. Glad to see that Payton is a very typical 2 yr old. You think I’d learn my lesson with the red drinks. After I cleaned up, we spent about an hour and a half at the park. The kids had a great time playing with each other. After we arrived home both kids jumped up on my bed and starting wrestling with each other. It was great to see Payton so excited to have somebody to play with.

Happy Easter!

I had to work today, so Chad helped the kids find their Easter baskets. Both kids were excited that the Easter bunny made it to our house. Chad also took Payton to nursery for the first time today and he said that Payton did great. It feels really weird to be getting back to a normal routine. We enjoyed a cookout this afternoon and enjoyed spending time together. I look back at the last 9 months and I can’t believe that we made it through. I am so amazed at the strength we were given. How would you do it otherwise? Yesterday, we had an Easter egg hunt in the backyard with the kids. I will post some pictures. Looking forward to the week and spending some quality time with the kids. Payton is really doing well and I am so excited that he is starting to act more like himself. He is due to be back at the clinic on Friday for a CBC and to have his port flushed. I can’t even begin to explain how nice it is not to have your week lined up with H/O Appointments and Chemo.

Chad and I took the kids to the park tonight. It was the most amazing, incredible feeling as I sat back and watched the kids play. I watched Payton as his big blue eyes intently watched the other kids on the playground. He has been out so little and has had such little interaction around other kids that it was neat to watch him be so excited to play. I watched him closely and wished that I could read his little mind as I wondered what was going through his little head as he grinned the whole time. I felt such happiness and joy as I was able to watch his little body run free and it made me wonder if I’d be watching him this intently if we hadn’t been through the nightmare we’ve lived through the past year. It’s made me slow down, evaluate what’s important in my life and enjoy the smallest littlest moments that life has to offer. I closely watched Savannah and felt happy as I watched her smile as well. She probably feels as if she hasn’t had her family to do things like this with her much over the past year. She spent most of her time swinging; I also wondered what she was thinking as well as I watched her beautiful blonde hair soar in the wind. When Savannah was a little girl, she used to hate the swing. She would scream and clinch. You wouldn’t know that now, she swung like she was free without a care in the world and I thought to myself that she so deserves that happiness as well after everything that she has been through. I thought to myself that this is the life that kids should have. What great kids that I have. I feel truly blessed, proud and so happy that I have them both. I’m not sure what I would ever do without them. I have to admit that since all this has happened with Payton I spend a lot of time watching my kids and thinking and asking myself what if they weren’t here tomorrow, how would I want to spend my last day with them? I’ve quickly learned how quick your life can be turned upside. Enjoy them, love them and take care of them, since we never know what tomorrow might bring. And if you are going through a struggle right now, pray for strength and you will be given the strength to get through whatever challenge you are going through.

I took the kids to the library today and as we were walking in Savannah said “You’re the best mom ever for taking us to the library, I’m so lucky to have a mom like you.” Something so simple and yet both kids were elated to go look at books. Payton spent his time working on puzzles and looking at truck and dinosaur books while Savannah and I looked for some good reading books for her. I guess we will have to do this more often. After we came home, we had a picnic outside with sandwiches and chips. The weather is in the mid 70’s and it was a beautiful day.

Today I met up with my sister and we grabbed Burger King and took the kids to the park. It was really windy and the park was wet from the rain yesterday, so we decided to eat quickly and head to my house. The kids colored Easter eggs and enjoyed playing together. Payton didn’t quite know what to do with himself, he wanted to play with the kids, but it’s almost like he wanted to make sure that I was still there. He would play for a minute or two and then come back and say, “Hi, mom I’m going to go play with the kids”. He would leave and come back and say the same thing. After Payton colored his Easter egg he decided to take a bite out of it with the shell on and then after put the bottom half of the egg white on his chin. Payton seems to be feeling pretty good but is still complaining of his bottom hurting. Today I noticed that Payton’s head is starting to feel just a little prickly, so I wonder if his hair will start coming in. He will look so different. It was a great day spending it with the kids and my sister.

Think the Easter Bunny

will like this?

It’s been a great weekend. Payton is starting to act more like himself every day. On Saturday, Chad took the kids to a local Easter egg hunt with my sister and her kids, while I was at work; Chad said that Payton was more worried about an airplane and car that he had brought than finding Easter eggs. That’s a two year old for you. Savannah had a good time as well. I can’t believe that Easter is just a week away. How time flies by. It has been a lazy weekend, but we are finding ourselves enjoying being at home with each other. We are so glad that Payton is done with his GCSF shots; I know that Chad is especially glad to be done with them as well. And all of Payton’s Med’s, I can’t believe all that we have accumulated; we are just down to one. I’d really like to just take it all and throw it in the trash. I am so tired of looking at all of it. We’ve got quite the collection.

As far as a vacation goes, I feel like I am really long overdue, so my dad is flying me and Payton home in April. I really wish that Chad could go, but he is super busy with school and feels that it is best that Savannah stay’s home as well with school. My sister Jennifer and her little girl Ella are also coming. I really think that it will do us some good, to have that long overdue break.

Savannah is out for Spring Break this week and we are looking forward to a fun quiet week.

We met with Dr. Bowman today to map out Payton’s next year. Payton is due back in two weeks to check his counts, since they were still a little low today and to have his port flushed. He will continue to have his EKG/Echo’s, kidney tests, blood work and CT scans every three months. Dr. Bowman talked about doing an MRI for Payton’s pelvis and abdomen and CT scan for his lungs. The CT scans will subject Payton to a considerable amount of radiation and we want to keep that to a minimum. An MRI does not detect small nodules in the lungs as well as a CT and that is usually where the cancer comes back if it does. Payton’s port will probably be removed after his next scan the first part of June.


Chad and I were talking about how we should be celebrating, but we are still really nervous now that he is finished with his treatment. The more I read about the potential side effects from these chemo drugs the more nervous I am about having to deal with long term complications from his treatment. It’s not as if I didn’t know of these side effects, but I decided not to focus on them to get through chemo and now it is just hitting me. I know that what we did was necessary for Payton’s survival, but he was hit really hard with all these chemo drugs as Dr. Bowman reminded us. It doesn’t help that Payton’s histology was unfavorable and that makes us even more nervous, because if he were to relapse we know how difficult that would be. Once you have been through something like this, you realize how quickly your world can be turned upside down. I know that we have to have faith and can take comfort knowing that we have done everything possible at this point and whatever is in the Lord’s plan will happen, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not scared. All that we can do is make the best of the time we have together here on earth. Family time will always be much more special now.


Dr. Bowman is such a great guy and we expressed our gratitude and thanks towards him for everything that he has done for Payton. So here we are, can’t believe we made it through this, because there were times I honestly thought that we wouldn’t. We are looking forward to Payton feeling better and will enjoy watching him be a normal boy again.


When we were leaving the clinic, Payton was screaming for a banana. We decided to go to the cafeteria and ended up getting him a banana, corn dog, and strawberry milk (which is his latest favorite thing). Payton had scarfed his entire corn dog down before we could pay for it and all that we had to show the lady checking us out was his stick. It’s amazing what a good eater he is when he gets his appetite back.