I have been a nervous wreck anticipating the arrival of Payton’s CT/MRI on Wednesday. I am really trying to stay optimistic but I just can’t get it off of my mind. Payton’s really doing well other than from time to time he will complain of his stomach hurting. I really believe he is dealing with GI track issues from the chemo and radiation he received. We are just holding our breath that the side effects will be minimal.

What a sweet boy he is. I can’t believe how handsome he is getting as his hair starts coming in.
He doesn’t even look as if he’s been through chemo anymore; he just looks like he has a short summer haircut.

Chad took off to Canada on Sunday until Friday and the kids and I are just enjoying being together. If I can get through Wednesday, I know that I will feel much better. We will be back to the clinic on Friday, to have Payton’s port flushed and to further discuss Payton’s port removal. Only two appointments this week and yet I feel like it consumes so much of your week. I really don’t know how we made it through the past year. I will keep you updated on the results of the scans. Hopefully, I’ll know more on Wednesday evening. Hope everyone is having a good summer.

We went swimming again this afternoon. It’s the one thing that both of my kids love to do. After we went over to my sisters and had a BBQ. My younger sister will be leaving us on Wednesday and we are really going to miss her. We have had a lot of fun.

Payton's 1 Year Anniversary!

It’s hard to believe that today marks Payton’s 1 Year Anniversary of the day we found out he had cancer. It’s hard to believe that we were just taking him in for an ultra sound exam and ended up with such devastating, horrible shocking news. I remember getting the horrifying call from Chad that I better hurry up to the hospital, that something was wrong with Payton. I remember hearing the horrible words that he had cancer. I remember seeing him for the first time after hearing this and grabbing him so tight while tears streamed down my face. I remember the long wait in the cafeteria while we waited to meet with Dr. Bowman. I remember the clinic waiting room and watching all the bald headed little kids running around and feeling really scared. I remember meeting with Dr. Bowman and feeling such fear and anxiety of not knowing what the outcome would be. I remember the long painful drive home and the fear that I felt in wondering if I would lose Payton. I remember the hurt and pain that I felt the next morning I awoke and wondered how on earth we could ever get through this. I remember looking at Payton and wishing that I could take his place. Why him and not me?

As I sit here now, it feels like this past year has flown by and yet at the time it felt like it would never end. I felt like we stopped living and that our lives were put on hold. Our full attention was in the moment. I have seen the fear and hurt in the eyes of our family, friends and those who have desperately wanted to help. It has been a big psychological change for us all. What we never thought we could get through and what turned our lives upside down- well, all that has become a normal part of our everyday lives.

We move forward with cautious optimism, taking a day and a step at a time. It has been a bumpy ride, but one that we would repeat for our little guy, to have the same end result. We don’t know where the Lord plans to take us with this crazy journey, but we are very hopeful. It has changed my life for the better and given us a greater appreciation for all that we are blessed with. It’s a good thing that time heals a lot of things. This is not to say that we don’t have our down days. We are nervous and scared (fearful that the rug could be pulled from beneath us again) with the arrival of Payton’s CT scan and MRIs, as the results will determine the course our family will take over the next three months; either continued recovery or more intense “rescue treatment”. Of course we will always be fearful of long-term side effects. However, at some point you just have to get back to living your life, no matter how much everything has changed. I have also learned more about what I can do for others when they might be going through a crisis and how I might be of help.

So we did it! I can’t believe it’s been a year. I want to enjoy each moment of today just being thankful. I want to reflect on all the positive ways that cancer has changed my family’s life and I want Payton to know how truly brave and courageous that he his. I want him to know that he will always have a special place in our hearts. I want him to know how special he is to our family and I want him to know how many other lives he has changed by showing his bravery and his Christ like example. I want Savannah to know that she is just as brave and I love her just as much and am so proud of her as well. I want to thank Chad for the strength and wisdom which he showed me throughout this. I want to thank our family and friends for your unconditional continued support of love and concern, for getting us through this rough year. Love you all.

Having fun in the Summertime!

The kids thoroughly love every moment that we get to spend at home. We have been getting out the swimming pools and enjoying the start of summer. Payton’s a little scary and has to be watched closely, since he doesn’t have much fear of the water. What treasured moments it is being able to spend time with the kids. I’ve learned to not stress and just to stop, slow down and enjoy the moment that you are in.

Payton’s CT scan is next Wednesday. I am optimistic, but will feel much better when it is over and everything is ok.

Savannah’s excited to be out of school on Tuesday. It’s weird to think that last year at this time we were looking forward to being out for summer with fun plans until all this occurred.

A fun day swimming!

Today with it being ½ day of school for the kids we decided to take the kids swimming since it was especially humid today. The kids had a great time and it was fun to watch Payton smile with excitement since he just loves the water. It was a little cold, but it didn’t stop us from having fun. It was great to see Payton swim since he didn’t get to last summer. I can’t believe how hot and humid it is already. Swimming is about the only thing that you can do to cool off here in the Texas heat.












Payton with Aunt Kelsey!

Today is the first day that Payton noticed his hair is coming in. We were driving in the car and I could see him in the back rubbing his head. He said, “Mom, my head feels soft.” He continued to rub his head and laugh and said “that’s silly, mom, I have hair.”

My sister Kelsey flew in on Wednesday and the kids were very excited to see her. She is going to stay with us (my sister Jennifer and I) for a couple of weeks and we are so excited she is here. Last night we had a girl’s night out and went to a movie, it was a lot of fun to get out and spend some quality time with Jennifer and Kelsey. It’s nice to have all of us back together again.

Lately Payton is bound and determined that he is Payton, nothing else. For example, if we say to him, you are such a good boy he will reply “I’m not a boy, I’m Payton.” Payton also has a mind of his own. When getting in or out of the car, he has to do everything himself. Payton has to open and close the door and buckle himself. He is very stubborn when he wants to do things himself.

Shower Fun!

Lately Payton has been begging to take a shower. He will say whatever he has to, to convince me that he needs to take one. Today he told me “I have a stinky bum, I need to get in the shower.” He doesn’t have any fear of the water and will stand directly under the shower head and laugh, because he is so excited that I gave in.