Payton's Results...

We met with Dr. Bowman on Friday to receive the results of Payton’s Thursday scans. Payton’s CT scan showed clean but his MRI showed the same spot on his liver which we saw back in December. The spot has grown from 8 mm to 10mm. It is growing slow but still worries Dr. Bowman since it is growing. Dr. Bowman contacted Dr. Miller a surgeon at Cook’s and discussed the option of taking Payton in for surgery to try and remove it as well as a piece of his liver. Dr. Miller has agreed to do the surgery and we are waiting for a call from him on Monday to set up a consultation and surgery date within the next two weeks. Disappointed, Nervous, Numb, Sad, Angry, would be words to describe how I have been feeling. I am trying to keep it together in hopes that it is benign. We do have it in our favor that there is only 1 and that it is slow growing. If only I can keep it together until we can go in for surgery and get some results.

Payton's 2 year after treatment scans...

Today was Payton’s 2 year after treatment CT/MRI Scans. I can hardly believe that it has been 2 years since we finished up with his treatment. I was thinking to myself as I was getting ready to head to Cook’s this morning how much Payton has changed over the past two years. Payton has grown up so much and this was the first scans that I could actually talk to him about the day. I told Payton about how we were going to go to the hospital to get his pictures today. Up to this point I have just had to drive to the hospital and let him find out what he was doing when we got there since he would always get really scared. This morning I was able to get up and explain to Payton that he couldn’t eat or drink anything until after he received his pictures, he replied “OK, Mom.” I was thinking wow, how much he has changed since this all started. We got to the hospital and Payton walked into the CT scan room and said all grown up “I will take the picture, but you need to tell that crazy guy not to talk to me and tell me to hold my breath.” I never realized why the CT scan was scary to him until today. They have an intercom in the machine and they talk to him through it and it was scaring him. I am thinking to myself that I am so glad that he is finally at the age that he can communicate to me and tell me how he is feeling. It really helped make the day much smoother. Our wait for Payton’s MRI was long since they brought a girl in by ambulance that needed an MRI and she got placed in front of Payton. Payton did really well up to that point, but then he had a little melt down because he was so hungry. I had asked the anesthesiologist to give him the ‘giggle juice’ and he replied that he doesn’t usually give it or recommend it. At that point I said ok. Then when he was trying to put him under he turned to me and said he is fighting this too hard next time you need to give him the giggle juice. REALLY! Mothers really know their children best; I wish they would learn to trust us. By the time we got out of the hospital it was 5:00 before Payton could eat. I felt bad for him since I know he was starving. Our Oncology appointment is at 8:00 tomorrow morning and I am stressing and trying to stay calm. Hopefully we will receive great news.

I took the kids to the park last Saturday since the weather is finally starting to warm up a bit. I had one of those awe moments that catch your breath and make you wish that you could freeze that very moment. I was watching Payton run around the park and I was having flash backs of different moments when he was going through treatments. I remembered back to specific times that I wondered what the future would hold for him. I remember wondering if I would be given the chance to see his health return and see him become a normal healthy little boy again. I was thinking about all this and then Payton turned to me and said “Mom, I just want to stay here and play with my friends a little longer.” The tears rolled down my face as I felt so grateful and lucky to have him say that to me. It hurts sometimes when I hear and read about so many kids that he went through treatment with that lost their life to cancer. I think all the time about why I still get to hold my little boy and watch him run and play and why so many other parents are grieving. It hurts. This has humbled me in my life and helped me to realize what is most important, because none of us know how much time we have here on earth or a full understanding to why so many of us face different challenges.

It has been a bit of a struggle for me over the past 3 months since Payton had his CT/MRI in December. I have been trying not to mix faith and fear together. Payton’s MRI and CT scans are this coming Thursday. Payton has had 2 Ultra Sounds after they found the questionable spot on his liver in December and has not yet had another CT/ MRI. I find my mind wandering at times and wondering if just maybe they just couldn’t see the spot on the Ultra Sound and what would happen if they see it again. What a struggle this has been for me and it seems like every day I have to remind myself that I cannot mix faith and fear together. I am grateful that I have a loving Heavenly Father that is aware of my challenges and is very tender and merciful. I am grateful for the help that I have been given because I know without a doubt I never would have gotten to this point alone. I am grateful for challenges because it makes me who I am today. I feel so much love for my two wonderful children. I am so grateful for the chance I have to raise them and watch them grow. I guess I need some of these constant reminders to help remind me what matters most in life.

Payton's Pre-K Valentine's Party

The Thursday before Valentine’s Day I received a call from Savannah’s school at Bluebonnet asking us to come and pick up our kids as soon as possible due to a snow storm that was hitting North Texas. We are already on our second missed day of school this year because of the snow. I am anxiously waiting spring since it has been a really long winter season.

Due to school being canceled on Friday The Kids’ Valentine’s Parties were rescheduled until Monday, the day after Valentine’s Day. I surprised Payton and arrived at his school party. Payton immediately jumped up when he saw me walking through the door, telling all the kids “That’s my mom, that’s my mom.” I quietly told him to sit back down since Mrs. Robertson was trying to finish her lesson. Payton then said “Mom are you here for my party? I didn’t know that you were coming to my party.” Yes buddy, I replied sit back down and listen to Mrs. Robertson. He then said “Mom, we are going to have so, so much fun, we are going to pass out Valentines and have ice cream.” Yes buddy, I said, and I motioned for him to be quiet. “Mom, what do you want on your ice cream, you can have ice cream, mom, do you want one,” Payton said. Mrs. Robertson replied, “Payton, I am so glad that you are excited that your mom is here. Let’s have our Party." It was so much fun watching the kids interact with each other. I just love Mrs. Robertson; we have been so blessed to have her as Payton’s teacher this year. Several times Mrs. Robertson has whispered in my ear things like “I asked Payton why he has a scratch on his face” and he replied “my sissy did it, when I go home; I am going to kick her butt.” She said that Payton is quite the comedian in the class and it takes all she has not to laugh at some of the things he says. She truly does have some great patience and love for Payton. Payton tells me almost every day. “Mom, I just love Mrs. Robertson.” What a great day it was getting to see Payton’s entire class, all of his little friends are so cute and it was nice to be able to put a face to all the kids.

Payton with his Baked Potato

I keep forgetting to write about some of the cute things that my kids say and do. I think that I will always remember these things but in time you forget. It was on an evening just before Christmas and Chad was teaching a class at TCC that night. The kids were just getting home from school and I told them we needed to head to the store to get Payton some new shoes. My kids get home from school every day and are starving. I have been trying to hold them off by having earlier dinners since they like to snack so much that by dinnertime they are not hungry anymore. That evening we went to look for Payton some new shoes. We finally found a pair that we both liked, but they didn’t have his size, so we headed to a different store. By then, the kids really were starving and Payton was having a meltdown in the backseat. I asked the kids where they wanted to get something to eat since I was not prepared with dinner that night. Payton quickly replied Wendy’s. We arrived at Wendy’s and I asked the kids what they wanted to eat. Payton replied” a Cheesy Baked Potato and Chicken Nuggets.” I had Savannah sit down by Payton while I ordered their food. I walk up around the corner with their food and Payton sticks his arms out and screams so the whole restaurant can hear him, “Potato, come to Papa.” Everyone was laughing and thought that it was the funniest thing. He keeps me going in life. I never seem to have a dull moment with my little guy.

Now it is Savannah’s turn. Savannah is quite the comedian herself. She is very shy and reserved at school, church and in public places, but when she is around her family in her comfort zone, she cracks us up. We have decided to do a three strike system with Savannah. She starts over every day and if she misbehaves or is mean, then she receives a strike. If Savannah strikes out then she loses her privileges such as watching TV, playing with friends, or playing webkinz on the computer. Savannah had struck out one day and was not very happy. She comes home from school and says can’t we come up with some other way to discipline me; I really don’t want to lose my privileges for the day. I respond, no Savannah, you cannot take a strike back, but tomorrow is a new day and you can start over again. She walks away for a minute and thinks about it and comes back with the response of Mom, “Can’t you just kick me in the butt instead, that will only hurt for a minute and me losing my privileges is hurting me all day. I then realized that I had found the right trick with her. Every kid is so different and what works for one doesn’t always work for the other. I love my kids. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t look at both of them and think about how grateful I am to have them both. I never realized that being a mom could be so challenging at times, but so rewarding at others. I am so blessed.

A fun day at the Museum

Payton and I went with Lisa and Davis to the Fort Worth Museum. The kids had a great time grocery shopping, playing doctor, in the water, with blocks, trains, and digging for fossils. I was really amazed at all the great improvements they have made since the last time I was there. It was a fun day getting out and spending time with friends.

Savannah's 9th Birthday

Yesterday was Savannah’s 9th Birthday. Where do the years go? Savannah has always been such a blessing since the day she was born. She is very kind and tender hearted, always worrying about everyone’s feelings. She is a great helper and likes to please her parents. She is a hard worker at school and we have been so amazed at how well Savannah can retain information, she is just like a sponge and remembers everything. Often I ask her if she is with me to remember something since her memory is so sharp. Savannah is a great big sister to Payton and enjoys playing with him and making him laugh. I cannot believe that she is 9 yrs old. I love being her mom. I enjoy every day and feel so blessed to have her as a part of our family.

On Thursday night, we celebrated Savannah’s Birthday with a couple of her close friends. We had pizza and then went to Main Event in Grapevine. It was so much fun driving all the kids as I got to hear their cute conversation. They all took turns telling stories about their families, cousins, grandparents etc. They could hardly wait until it was their turn to share their story. I love this cute age and just adore Savannah's great little friends. Everyone had a good time at Main Event and we ended our evening by going to Braum’s for ice cream.

On Friday morning Savannah awoke early and woke us all up telling us that it was her Birthday. She was so excited that she didn’t have to go to school since it was a teacher prep day. Chad took Payton and Savannah to get donuts while I got ready. Savannah had decided that she wanted to see The Princess and the Frog for her Birthday. We went to Grapevine and then went to the store Justice for Girls (Sav’s favorite store) to let her redeem some of her Gift Cards that she received for her Birthday. Later that evening, we went to Chilis for dinner. Payton told our waitress “It’s my sissy’s Birthday, aren’t you going to sing to her?” Savannah was thrilled that they brought her a Chocolate Molten Lava cake; she had a great day. I have learned a lot through our ordeal with Payton, I have learned to really stop and live in the moment and to enjoy it all.